Monday, July 2, 2007
My plans after I graduate would be to have a party with my friends and enjoy the summer of my first year in college. I would have dvd marathons of my favorite shows or movies. I’d want to go to the beach and enjoy the sun. If possible, I’d get a summer job. I could save the money I earned and buy something with it. Examples are cellphone load, gifts for my parents and the money for gimicks. I could also spend time with my family and relatives. I rarely see my relatives..excluding last nights meeting. I do love taking care of my younger nieces and nephews and I love hanging out with my cousins. I want to finish college and have a happy life. These are some of the things I want to do after I graduate.
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Hi Jirah! Just a few words:
(1) My plans after I graduate would be to have a party with my friends and enjoy… -> Add “to” to enjoy, otherwise it’s a faulty parallelisms, as you already placed a “to” before “have a party.”
(2) The word “DVD” should be in uppercase letters.
(3) I could save the money I earned and buy something with it. -> Your tenses are contradicting. “Could save” does not agree with “I earned.” You could rephrase it like this: “I could save the money I earn…”
(4) I rarely see my relatives..excluding last nights meeting. -> This doesn’t appear to be a complete sentence. As much as possible, avoid using ellipses (…) since they tend to create erroneous sentences.
(5) I do love taking care of my younger nieces and nephews and I love hanging out… -> Omit the second “I love” as it makes your phrasing redundant.
Hope I didn’t write too much. Just be wary of simple errors like these. I also noticed that you like writing in the emphatic tense. Use that sparingly. ;-) May all your dreams come true after you graduate!
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